Simple Things
by Mechabite
Summary: One-shot. "Think about it, Norm. I'm still where I was ages ago! I've made nothing of my life, I've gone nowhere, what do I even have to show for 47 years?" NORM had a few answers, but he wasn't entirely sure his creator would like them. Please, R&R!


_{SYSTEM REBOOT INITIATED/ ESTIMATED TIME:_ _ **3**_ _MIN.}_

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 _{RUN PROGRAM-SQUIRREL POWER- Y/N?}_

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 _{_ _ **YES**_ _}_

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 _{SYSTEM REBOOT_ _ **76**_ _%/ PREPARE TO START OPERATING SYSTEM=N.O.R.M.}_

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 _{AUDITORY SENSORS ONLINE}_

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"Come on, you primitive piece of junk, and boot up! I swear, it takes less time for Perry the Platypus to thwart me."

It was always a pleasure to start up to the sweet voice of his creator. NORM's optic lenses lit up, giving his receptors a slightly blurry picture of the dusty disheveled closet that he had spent the night shut off in. A hunched over 'pharmacist' with dirt brown fly-away hair stood squarely in front of him, squinting impatiently up from unrested blue eyes. He was irritably rubbing his long hooked nose with the back of his grubby used-to-be-white lab coat.

It took approximately 3.5 milliseconds for NORM to recognize the repulsive human being as the evil scientist known as his _{FATHER?}_ owner, and even less time to change his thought process on the man. Instead, the epitome of human intelligence now graced his humble closet.

Once he made sure that every single system was online, the giant robotic man prepared a careful reply in his cheery, business man flat tone to his seemingly irate master,"GOOD MORNING SIR!" The almost-creepy smile on his face was only one of two mouth expressions he could make, but it was genuine all the same.

"Good morning, _indeed_." Heinz Doofenshmirtz turned on the heel of his surprisingly polished black shoes and headed out of the closet, left eye ticking dangerously.

NORM made to follow, supposing that he had been rebooted for a good reason. With a touch of protest, the joints in his arms and legs began to work and he marched carefully out of the doorway. The morning sun shone off his exterior, painted like a typical blue suit with the addition of a cherry red tie. A few different processes ran through his head. He could begin making breakfast _{MUFFINS, of course}._ Or he could start to tidy the living space or laboratory _{Perhaps wait until the latest -Inator had exploded. It's more efficient that way}._

Instead, the mechanical man turned his head to take another look at Heinz. His mannerisms seemed more...intense than usual. He stood still, albeit twitching occasionally, at the edge of his balcony, wringing his hands like a crazed man and murmuring in German under his breath. NORM had no trouble translating and speaking any language, but something inside him told him not to violate the man's private thoughts by listening in.

"SOMETHING THE MATTER, SIR?" NORM asked innocently in his typical monotone, moving a few steps closer to the balcony and looking down at the back his master's head.

Doofenshmirtz spun around stiffly, staring up for a fraction of a second in absolute terror before bitterness took over again and had him snarking and re-wringing his thin, bony hands.

"If you scare me like that again, you will suffer true wrath..." The comment was weak, with no promise of it being followed through, and NORM could sense it in the speech pattern. It was...unusual to say the least. Heinz was usually so full of 'Spit and Vinegar' (to coin a phrase) this time of the morning, going on and on and on about his new invention and how he was going to present it to Perry the Platypus, the O.W.C.A. animal agent sent to stop the brilliant mastermind almost every day.

"DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?" He boomed in his softest voice, which still had a cat on an opposite building's balcony scurry for cover. A few warnings blared up on his internal screen, reminding him not to press his master on anything sensitive, lest dire consequences result.

The scientist scoffed, folding his arms harshly and beginning to shuffle his feet against the tiled floor. NORM picked up nervousness, apprehension, and fury in his body language, among many other miscellaneous emotions.

"It's nothing, Norm. Really, truly, absolutely, _nothing_..." He tilted his face sideways a bit to look up at the robot, glaring coldly. Another few seconds of silence from both sides, with NORM doing nothing but wearing his usual happy-go-lucky-smile and the scientist broke,"ALRIGHT! Sheesh, I'll tell you! Just don't look at me like that."

The pacing began while the scientist began to rant, and NORM settled himself and became mentally prepared to record the conversation in order to understand it better later.

"You see, today is an anniversary for me, Norm. A big one! Two years ago from today, Perry the Platypus was assigned to me and began thwarting my '-Inators' on a regular basis-!" Heinz stopped abruptly, eyes bulging, as colorful confetti suddenly rained over him.

"CONGRATULATIONS, SIR!" NORM had activated his _'CONGRATULATIONS SIR-CONFETTI CANON'_ protocol from his left hand, used only for his boss's greatest achievements and special occasions. He had supposed this was a special occasion anyways, but the stink eye he was receiving said otherwise.

"You junkpile, you haven't even heard the rest of it!" Doofenshmirtz began to comb through his hair with his fingers to get the multi-colored shreds of paper out of it,"As I was _saying_ , this could be perceived as a milestone, yes, BUT I see it as yet another failure to add to my ongoing misery. Think about it. I'm still where I was years ago! I've made nothing of my life, I've gone nowhere, what do I even have to show for 47 years, Norm?!" He threw his hands up in exasperation as if pleading for an answer.

NORM had a few answers, but he wasn't entirely sure his creator would like them. The program that usually processed his thoughts before he said them, however, seemed to be damaged again, so he spoke quite freely in his bright voice,"WELL, YOU HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER, VANESSA, FOR ONE THING, SIR!"

That seemed to stall the seemingly never-ending stream of thoughts from the troubled scientist's mind. He even looked a tad dumbfounded, as if it had never occurred to him that something other than a working '-Inator' could be counted as a success in his life.

"I suppose..." He mumbled, eyes trailing around the room while he collected his thoughts. His pride and joy, his 'baby girl'. Besides Perry, she was all he had to look forward to. Scientifically speaking, he had...erm, 'built' Vanessa...and she was successful beyond belief. Still, though, the dejected man wanted to find a reason to get his back up about something,"BUT besides my _beautiful_ daughter, I've never done anything spectacular...and, in my humble yet correct opinion, have done nothing to deserve the type of life I've endured!"

He sent the robot a challenging look, as if daring him to come up with another positive answer.

"SIR, IF I MAY BE SO BOLD-"

"You may not."

"-I THINK YOU ARE A SUCCESS WITHIN ITSELF."

"I said you may- wait, what?"

Heinz walked a bit closer to fix NORM with his iciest of looks, hands pressed to his hips, mouth twisted into a snarl. It seemed yet again that he was challenging him to speak foolishly. NORM noted this, as well as the toolbox filled with hammers, wrenches and nails not too far away. If his words did not bring joy to his creator he could be dismantled by 9:00 a.m.

"I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MUCH ABOUT 'LIFE', SIR." the gigantic robot man began, raising his right eyebrow up 2 inches,"BUT I DO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE HAD A HARD ONE, AND HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES!"

"Why you...!"

Perhaps his synthesized voice was far too light-hearted, for his owner had a hammer in his hand and was stalking back towards him in an instant even before he had finished his thought.

"PERRY THE PLATYPUS DESTROYS YOUR MACHINES EVERYDAY WITHOUT FAIL-"

The hammer struck his front plate, denting the soft metal sheet in quite a bit. NORM hoped the squirrel running him wasn't hit, but persisted anyways.

"THE MAYOR OF THIS TOWN, YOUR BROTHER, IS LOVED BY ALL WITHOUT TRYING-"

Another strike, this time rendering his right hand unusable.

"HE GETS IT ALL FOR FREE-"

 _ **Bang!**_

"WHILE YOU HAVE TO WORK SO HARD TO BE APPRECIATED-"

"Shut up!" Heinz screeched, sending the tool clanging off the metal man's arm a few times in fury. NORM went on, stubborn to finish. Just like a few minutes ago when the scientist had berated him for not letting him finish his thought, so he had decided to finish his at all consequences. He was, however, also forced to turn his smile around to a frown due to the unhappy circumstances.

"YOUR PARENTS HATE YOU-"

In a quick motion that even surprised NORM, the hammer was flung through the air and precisely cracked off the lens in his left eye. The robot took a slight step back to balance himself, and to endure the simulated pain suddenly spiking from his face in waves.

The abuse he was receiving was much worse than usual, and NORM realized far too late that he probably should not have spoken at all. However, he also realized that if he stopped at 'YOUR PARENTS HATE YOU-' he would surely never see another day. So on he went, his voice speeding up and raising a few decibels in order to achieve the frenzied man's attention and finish his thought as quickly as possible.

"-AND Y-YET YOU HAVE WITHSTOOD IT ALL -"

 _ **Clang!...**_

"-W-WITHOUT EVER-ER GIVING UP!"

The pulverizing of his chest cavity ended abruptly, and NORM dared to look down with his one good eye, sparks erupting from the other as he did so. Heinz Doofenshmirtz breathed heavily and stared up, a livid, held-back fury taking up all features despite the fact that he had stopped smacking the machine with a wrench.

"...How do you mean?" He was fully prepared to take down the robot and use his parts on a new '-Inator', but the ending of that long, horrible sentence made him almost curious to see what the walking scrapheap had to say.

"I-I-I MEAN, SIR, THAT LIFE HAS NOT BEEN KIND TO YOU! BUT IN-INSTEAD OF TAKING IT LAYING DOWN, YOU CONTINUE TOOOooo- _bzzt!-_ ggGET UP EVERYDAY AND TRY AGAIN. THAT TAKES TRUE-TRUE SPIRIT!"

The scientist narrowed one eye at him, almost in confusion, starting to hunch back over into his terrible posture again (having straightened up in order to abuse as much of the robot as possible). He hadn't thought that NORM of all people...or things...had been paying attention to all the backstories he had rambled on about, and the complaining he did on a regular basis. Apparently that was proven wrong.

He wasn't sure how to react to this turn of events, and began to stare sullenly forward. NORM realized that what he had said could possibly making a difference, and if he continued, could also help his {DAD-?} creator.

"TH-TH-THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOoOVE YOU, SIR." He stated in a matter-of fact pitch, voice glitching in and out but never losing its upbeat attitude.

"...oh yeah?" The self-proclaimed doctor aimed it as a question, with a hint of spite tacked onto the end.

"OF COURSE!"

"Name them then!"

"OF COURSE! Y-YOUR DAUGHTER FOR-FOR ONE, SIR."

Heinz growled, turning away a bit,"We already discussed that, Norm. She is pretty much all I have, and one of the only people that loves me back."

"AaaND LET'S NOT FORGET P-PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"

The volume of the growl increased. While he would not call Perry and himself 'friends', that was definitely what they were as of late, and while he enjoyed being 'frenemies', he would never admit it to anyone,"Yeah, yeah, I suppose there is a certain amount of...love...there, but still! Who else Norm, hmm?! Who else?!"

A beat of silence passed where NORM weighed through his options, and also the possible consequences if he said what he was meaning to say. Of course, he also contemplated that he had been beaten up quite a lot already and a little more couldn't hurt too much.

"Yeah, see, that's what I thought!" Doofenshmirtz seemed to think he was finished, for he began to rant again,"There IS no one els-!"

"I DO AS W-W-WELL, SIRrr!" The mechanical man interrupted again, internal processes cringing at this.

Heinz stared incredulously over his shoulder at him, looking more and more like a carnivorous bird about to attack prey, and spoke with venom dripping off his words," _YOU_ don't count, Norm. _YOU_ are programmed to adore me." He thought for a second,"and robots can't feel love anyways, so shut up."

"YOU-YOU KNOW B-BEST, DR. D." NORM consented, attempting to stop a twitch from wracking his arm, and waiting for orders. He felt like he had done all the damage he could do in this situation.

Heinz took a moment to look over his partially wrecked robot before pulling out some blueprints he had been working on and rolling them out over a table. He had to get working on something BIG for today's '-Inator', even just for the sake of the anniversary and had no more time to spend arguing with a stupid piece of technology.

However, NORM spotted a fresh spring in the man's step as he busied himself and felt a touch of self-satisfaction. Whether or not he knew it, the scientist's mood had been lifted ever so slightly due to the 'talk'. To be reminded of what was truly important, and what he should be focusing himself with was important for someone like Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He never gave up...but he sometimes needed to be reminded of why.

Standing in the shadows of the lab room, sparks flying off of him, and whirs of his internal machinery working overtime sounding, NORM processed everything that had been said.

He could not deny it; he was a machine.

He was to do as he was told, and follow his directives to a point. He was to be unfeeling, and cold, and calculating. And, as Heinz had so blatantly put it, 'He couldn't feel love'. And maybe NORM couldn't feel true love, but maybe that was OK.

He liked to think, as he watched the overworked, deranged man push himself through yet another day, that the warm appreciation spreading from his core for his {FATHER} creator was enough for him.


End file.
